closets are for clothes. really FABULOUS clothes

i know i havent updated on here in...basically forever. oh well. i'm over it.

so i was watching some youtube videos, like you do...and saw this transguy's video. normally i watch a lot of videos that are vlogs for trannies, but this one caught my eye because he had his mom on there with him. to sum it up...they were just having a good time, but it was a mother and her son. it wasn't her tranny kid, daughter...it was her son. she used male pronouns, said son, the whole nine. it really made me realize how much i need my family to be in the same mental space as i am when it comes to gender identity. and not only my family, but my friends too. i want to be referred to and be thought of as male. i am he and his. i'm a son and a boyfriend, not a daughter or a girlfriend. it's not that i want to be called he and him, i Need it. this is becoming an extremely difficult issue for me.

what's more...someone that saw a youtube video with me being referred to as a male, whose opinion i hold in the highest respect, got really angry. not because of what the video was about, but because of the pronouns. i think thats what really called some issues to my attention. i'm not trying to do anything to hurt anyone. i'm only doing what is right for me. and no, it's not selfish. you're who you really are, so why can't i be? why are you so different from me? you're not. i get that its a big change for someone who hasnt been right there with me every step of the way, but all i want is to be happy.

it's especially hard when i'm at work where only some people know that i'm trans and most dont. however, the ones that know, dont refer to me as they would a male. and the tables that i get call me ma'am or miss or whatever. it's sir. sir is fine. sir is good for me. sir is me. and then there are those that say sir, ma'am, sir, ma'am...sorry.. sir's good, thanks. whenever i'm there i just wait until my favorite regulars come in. they are the ones who said, we have a question for you. are you transitioning? fucking amazing! they dont come in often enough. tomorrow's my last day..so i hope they come in to give me a little boost before i have a week off then i head for school.

i need to be back at school. its needed for my emotional state. unfortunately, i got paired with a roommate that i have never met, and don't know how she's going to take me coming out to her. seeing as we're going to be living together, it's kind of a must to do that.

for a while i've been having name issues. i'm not sure if taylor really fits me. and i have this huge attachment to my birthname. as a friend pointed out, i have had it all my life, so of course there's going to be those feelings. but i think its more than that. i've heard all these stories on how i was named and all that. a dude named haley? ya think? haley joel osment pulled it off.
who knows.

more soon....